ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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