a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
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You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
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The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep