I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
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i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast