hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
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Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Found your dick twin last night
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I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low