Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
