woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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