there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
