Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
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Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
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My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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