I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I will pee on everything he values.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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