dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
