Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
