I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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