Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
