i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
