My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
