what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
