Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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