I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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