**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
