I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
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Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Found your dick twin last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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