If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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