24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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