Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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