This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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