So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
