Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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