just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
