dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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