I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize