I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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