Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
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