Betty ford says i'm here all night
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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