Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
