its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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