My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
