So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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