2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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