I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
