dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
