felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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