I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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