He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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