So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
