glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
