My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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