Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
