What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
