Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
