My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
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i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
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