At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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