I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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