He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
