i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
