yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Randomize
