If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
