You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
