OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
