im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
