Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
