Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
